If you truly never found curd rice beautiful, Bhikku, then you have not loved. For what is love but an animal instinct.
In one of those rare moments when yours truly happened to be in the presence of a powered-on television device, he glimpsed at what can only be referred to as the ugliest African non-American couple on earth. At that moment, something hit me, like a bird hitting an airplane propeller. It was a revelation; a revelation of two deeply mysterious and appalling things- there are loads of ugly people in this world, and what's more, someone finds it in their heart to be with them. How did this come about? Did human evolution poke out Bwana's eye and make him lust for Tn (That's her name, you jackass, and not the state I'm from.)
This is not an everyday ablutionary introspective exploratory extrapolative audacious thought, but rather a hyperlink to the true meaning of beauty. Like all those with an incessant urge to click anything underlined in a window, I clicked on it and landed in a place of no return, a place where I find Subramaniyam handsome and Pankajam maami ravishing. What is this beauty? Or more importantly, what is not beauty? S~, please resist the temptation to look in a dictionary and just listen to the master, for it is I that is destined to show you the light.
Like all great people who start an answer with a question, let me throw one in - Have you seen any foul smelling person you thought was handsome or pretty? No, cries the mass. Why?, I ask. Beauty is just another smell. You do not see it. You cannot touch it. But you sense it. This is how you are wired, my boy. Barring Simon Tatham, humans have no escape from the aesthetically-challenged. And regretfully, there is no hope for the uninformed brown man, who shall always lose out the battle of luring the opposite sex (or whoever else you would want to lure). For he is considered a pariah if he steps out of the house without a dab of cow dung and its related products. Note here that insolent posterity will plagiarize my theory and add a Mallu name to this smell - pheromone. Of course, you, dear reader, may not be alive to see that.
Coming back to the pimples on the face of the Earth, I ponder why some appear beautiful to only one gender. Why oh why is Michael Douglas a hit only with the babes and Thalivar Rajinikanth a hit only with the men? (To the agnostic, may I point out that its always the men that buy posters of Rajinikanth, with a heart full of pride, I must add.) Some say that its "empathy". Some say that its "money". Well, I say its just popcorn transference. Everyone likes the smell of popcorn. Most normal people watch movies in theatres, which have the smell of popcorn. Most movies with the above mentioned actors (Note how I clearly avoid the subject of whether they can act or not. Loyal readers would've expected me to walk off on a tangent here and talk about what constitutes an actor, whether Hillary Swank should have been given the best actress/best actor award, can Donald Duck really act and so forth. But drrrr to all of you. No digressions this time!) play in theatres where normal people watch movies. Summing it up, I say the transference of odor is what leads to this impression of beauty. Cruel world! Fortunate men.
Au contraire, I don't really like to say au contraire.
What is not beauty? Definitely every female that your female "pal" considers beautiful. As with most complex concepts, women have the polarity reversed. Quasimodo cute. King Kong cute. Dobbie cute. Uma Thurman ugly. Penelope Cruz ugly. Aishwarya Rai ugly. That should've given you a hint, you moron! Well, a great philospher, who shall remain anonymous, once said that women generously compliment anyone not challenging their beauty. That greatly simplifies my job. To find things that are not beauty, just ask a woman what beauty is. These kind of things takes tact and I do not recommend for the unprepared.
In a world whose motto is "survival of the prettiest", one ought to grow past the inevitable (fact that you are not an object of beauté) and give a shot at salvaging what's left. Clearly, I want to make my remaining stay on this planet a tad pleasanter. Feel free to plagiarize from other communities, like lip plates from the African Mursai women, lip plugs from the Amazonian Zoes, brass rings from the Burmese, beer from the Irish. Or even other species, if you are more the adventurous type, like peacock shawl, Chiranjeevi costume. Copying is not a sin, sayeth Moses! I stop here and just call upon Allah to insure that I meet a prettier you or the prettier of you. Let’s leave the finer definitions of other terms foreign to Brownistan - like hot, cool, sexy, smart etc - for later.
In one of those rare moments when yours truly happened to be in the presence of a powered-on television device, he glimpsed at what can only be referred to as the ugliest African non-American couple on earth. At that moment, something hit me, like a bird hitting an airplane propeller. It was a revelation; a revelation of two deeply mysterious and appalling things- there are loads of ugly people in this world, and what's more, someone finds it in their heart to be with them. How did this come about? Did human evolution poke out Bwana's eye and make him lust for Tn (That's her name, you jackass, and not the state I'm from.)
This is not an everyday ablutionary introspective exploratory extrapolative audacious thought, but rather a hyperlink to the true meaning of beauty. Like all those with an incessant urge to click anything underlined in a window, I clicked on it and landed in a place of no return, a place where I find Subramaniyam handsome and Pankajam maami ravishing. What is this beauty? Or more importantly, what is not beauty? S~, please resist the temptation to look in a dictionary and just listen to the master, for it is I that is destined to show you the light.
Like all great people who start an answer with a question, let me throw one in - Have you seen any foul smelling person you thought was handsome or pretty? No, cries the mass. Why?, I ask. Beauty is just another smell. You do not see it. You cannot touch it. But you sense it. This is how you are wired, my boy. Barring Simon Tatham, humans have no escape from the aesthetically-challenged. And regretfully, there is no hope for the uninformed brown man, who shall always lose out the battle of luring the opposite sex (or whoever else you would want to lure). For he is considered a pariah if he steps out of the house without a dab of cow dung and its related products. Note here that insolent posterity will plagiarize my theory and add a Mallu name to this smell - pheromone. Of course, you, dear reader, may not be alive to see that.
Coming back to the pimples on the face of the Earth, I ponder why some appear beautiful to only one gender. Why oh why is Michael Douglas a hit only with the babes and Thalivar Rajinikanth a hit only with the men? (To the agnostic, may I point out that its always the men that buy posters of Rajinikanth, with a heart full of pride, I must add.) Some say that its "empathy". Some say that its "money". Well, I say its just popcorn transference. Everyone likes the smell of popcorn. Most normal people watch movies in theatres, which have the smell of popcorn. Most movies with the above mentioned actors (Note how I clearly avoid the subject of whether they can act or not. Loyal readers would've expected me to walk off on a tangent here and talk about what constitutes an actor, whether Hillary Swank should have been given the best actress/best actor award, can Donald Duck really act and so forth. But drrrr to all of you. No digressions this time!) play in theatres where normal people watch movies. Summing it up, I say the transference of odor is what leads to this impression of beauty. Cruel world! Fortunate men.
Au contraire, I don't really like to say au contraire.
What is not beauty? Definitely every female that your female "pal" considers beautiful. As with most complex concepts, women have the polarity reversed. Quasimodo cute. King Kong cute. Dobbie cute. Uma Thurman ugly. Penelope Cruz ugly. Aishwarya Rai ugly. That should've given you a hint, you moron! Well, a great philospher, who shall remain anonymous, once said that women generously compliment anyone not challenging their beauty. That greatly simplifies my job. To find things that are not beauty, just ask a woman what beauty is. These kind of things takes tact and I do not recommend for the unprepared.
In a world whose motto is "survival of the prettiest", one ought to grow past the inevitable (fact that you are not an object of beauté) and give a shot at salvaging what's left. Clearly, I want to make my remaining stay on this planet a tad pleasanter. Feel free to plagiarize from other communities, like lip plates from the African Mursai women, lip plugs from the Amazonian Zoes, brass rings from the Burmese, beer from the Irish. Or even other species, if you are more the adventurous type, like peacock shawl, Chiranjeevi costume. Copying is not a sin, sayeth Moses! I stop here and just call upon Allah to insure that I meet a prettier you or the prettier of you. Let’s leave the finer definitions of other terms foreign to Brownistan - like hot, cool, sexy, smart etc - for later.
4 comments:
yes. with a lot of makeup they're gorgeous. take off the false eye lashes, the mascara, the eyeliner, the multi layer foundations, the powders, the concealers, the lipstik, the lip gloss, the lipliner, the hair gloss, the hair bouncer, etc...
maybe you should fall in love with a false eyelash?
for anon: No one with so much makeup can look gorgeous. What kind of women have you been hanging around with :-P? Are you sure they had makeup on? Whats a hair bouncer btw?
Dr.: Alas, I disagree with anything you've written which i could remotely understand. I think women judge beauty with emotions mixed in the judgement. If she likes someone, they start to look good automatically. I was just yesterday discussing this with ~S who coudn't understand how X, Y and Z started to look good after i got to know them and did not look good to me before. Just 1 of the men i named as the most handsome in '<' insert name of college '>', looked good before i got to know them.
Popcorn contains pheromones. Hehehehe and hence you have a picture of Rajnikanth in your bedroom. Hilarious! :D:D
You are beautiful to you. Isn't that the ultimate comment on beauty, dear cousin?
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