A 55-word story

Determined readers of this blog would have noted that "TheDQ" left a comment on my last post, which said, and I quote : "Dr., you have been tagged." This message greatly disturbed me.

TheDQ, as she calls herself these days, is a charming young girl. I have often had occasion to buy her biscuits on my way back from work, and she always says, "Thank you, chacha-ji", and runs quickly to stash them away in her secret hideout. (TheDQ is a Gujju, and she believes in saving up, since you never know when she and her 42 children will be struck in a remote Himalayan cave for 263 days before the CNN crew gets there, followed, in another 94 days, by the Government relief trucks.) TheDQ's chief charm is that she does not, like most other children, insist that I play hopskotch with her.

Now, when such a charming well-behaved little girl says "Dr, you've been tagged", you fear that this is the beginning of the end. The next thing you know, she'll insist that you take her to the fing-fing in the lot-lot, and play pickaboo with Winnie-Pooh, otherwise she'll su-su all over your fofa. Clearly, preemptive measures were called for, to avoid a rapid descent into depravity.

I wrote her a stern e-mail to go play with kids her own age, and not disturb chacha-ji. And then she patiently explains that this is not some children's game where the simple objective is to gouge everyone else's eyes out. No, sir! The idea is that a bloke, say person A, writes a 55-word story. In the process, he discovers that writing 55-word stories, and not Peanut Butter, is the key to salvation. Fuelled by the good samaritan spirit, person A then wants persons B, C, D, E and F, all bosom buddies and childhood mates, to also bite off the fruit of Knowledge. Then these people write stories and invite their bosom buddies to do so, and so on.

I have had a long career of hearing idiocy, since I talk to myself quite a bit. But I've never ever heard anything quite so idiotic. That is when it struck me that neither Evolution nor God can end up creating anything as ridiculous as Man. Then, sipping my hot tea, I came up, in a trice, with the brilliant theory of the Big Prank, which neatly explains how and why we are what we are, and puts forever to rest the Creation-Evolution debate. But that's for another post.

I was going to send a legal notice to TheDQ, but then I realized that she had a point. For all my God-like virtues, I'm after all, human, and writing 55-word stories is the way of all flesh. So here goes mine:

Allah said, "I created men. I am the one true God."
Krishna screamed, "Liar! Impostor! I created men."
The devil entered, and said, "Good job, whichever one did it! They tag each other to write 55 word stories."
Allah said, "You created them, you fool".
Krishna said, "Don't blame me! You did it! Pig!!"
Amen.

Note 1
TheDQ : I'm being a creep, to put it mildly. This is not the first time, it won't be the last. But it was just too tempting, and you know that I'd sooner offend a friend than lose the opportunity for a joke. But hey, I did at least write a 55-word story. In fact, here's one more:

Mr. Verma said, "Munnoo, caam heeeyar. Uncle ko namaste bolo!"
Munnoo rolled in, looking at me coldly.
"He ees jaast chaild, but he can kaawoont up to 10. Munnoo, uncle to numbers bolo!"
Munnoo squeaked, "One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten!"
Mr. Verma smiled apologetically, and said, "Baccha hai, Seekh jaayega"

Note 2
Since friend collection is not one of my hobbies, I don't know 5 blog-writing people whom I can tag. P~ and ~P, you are welcome to write ghastly 55-word stories if you want. Just don't blame them on me.